Brokenness

      There are many times when the river of life ebbs, rather than flows. But what I have learned is, these hiccups, they come & they go. You can ride out some really high highs & then hit some really low lows. & as I have learned in the past, we need them both. We can't have one without the other. They keep each other in check. Our highs are meant to help us make our gains. They give the strength & courage to chase our goals. Most times we find success during our highs.. Our highs are true blessings. But then again, so are our lows. Our lows are meant to keep our egos in check. Our lows are meant to draw us back & remind us of our desperate need for God. So rather than fight our lows, maybe we should embrace them. Maybe lows don't ever really have to be a negative thing. Maybe they're simply meant to remind us to embrace brokenness & press harder into God.

Waiting

Waiting… truly one of the hardest things we have to do in life. How many mistakes have we made, because we selfishly decided to take matters into our own hands?  How many times have we been disappointed with Gods answer of “no, I have something better for you, trust me, or simply not yet.” ? So many times we forget that God can see the whole picture. He knows, in its entirety, how our life unfolds; from beginning to end. We forget that we only see our lives in glimpses. We see the present moment, and the near future, but we don’t see our whole life, in one piece, from the beginning to end. We forget that God created us. That he knows our heart, and its deepest desires, even better than we do. He knows not only what we want, but exactly what we need. It is hard, extremely hard, to be in a season of waiting. More times than not, I’ve decided to take matters into my own hands, and try to get what I want, in my own way, to match my own timing. Time and time again, I’ve found it never works.  Sometimes I may get what I want, and I am happy, for the moment, but if nothing changes in my heart, if there was never a growth period, even after I get what I thought I so badly wanted, I’m still left wanting more. The cycle continues. Until we can learn to be content, even in a season of waiting, the cycle will always continue. I am learning, it is during the seasons of waiting, that God is so fully able to capture our attention. He is able to so completely fix our gaze on Himself, and purify our deepest longings and desires. “If Eve wasn’t content in the garden, what makes me think I will be content if only my circumstances were different? Contentment doesn’t come from perfect circumstances but from fixing our eyes on Jesus and what’s eternal, not on what’s temporary.” (missionalwomen.com) Our circumstances shouldn’t dictate our levels of contentment, but rather the knowledge of who our Heavenly Father is should dictate our contentment. I don’t think we fully understand all that God wants to offer us, if we would only be willing to place our full trust in Him. If we would be willing to believe He truly is everything the Bible says He is. If we were only willing to believe He truly is all that we need. How different would our lives look if we placed our full trust in God? If we stopped throwing little pity parties when God asks us to wait, consciously made the decision to joyfully be content, and honored Him in every decision we made? How different would our lives look if we faithfully stuck to the convictions he places on our hearts, rather than giving up the second we don’t get our way?

Ebbs & Flows

In every relationship, there are ebbs, and there are flows. There are times when things come easy. Motivation is high, and you are always on cloud nine. The same holds true with the God of the universe. There are times when He feels so close, and loving Him comes easy. But then there are times when motivation is low, and an unsettling feeling of emptiness, brokenness, and doubt sets in. As I have personally learned, the way we choose to respond to these feelings determines the people we become. If we allow it to, emptiness and brokenness can lead us to the deep, satisfying relationship we all need with the God of the ages. We all have points of weakness, and the devil loves to attack us in these areas. The devil knows our weaknesses and when he views us as a threat, he strikes extremely harsh. As I heard before, "once you know your weaknesses, they have no power over you." Knowing your weaknesses is a huge step, because the fact that you know means that you can do something about it. You have the power to rise up and fight, rejoicing in the fact that the Lord has already overcome, and victory is promised (1 Corinthians 15:57) Now, although victory is promised, it doesn't mean the battle is going to be easy. A battle is a battle nonetheless. So when you feel as though your relationship with God is experiencing an ebb (feelings of emptiness, loneliness, brokenness doubt, confusion etc.) and you feel like seeking comfort in earthly things, view it as a battle, and fight with all you have (2 Corinthians 12:9) Though the last thing you may feel like doing is sitting in God's presence, marveling at his splendor, and giving Him praise, that is exactly what you need to do. Anyone can do something when it's easy; but it takes commitment to stick it out when things get hard. These hard times that God gives us are meant to draw us back to Him. It may seem like such a cruel thing to do- to create us with this one empty space that only He can fill- but really it is a grand plan. God knew, in our own selfish ways, we would long to control our own lives, and go about life without seeking Him. That breaks Gods heart. He longs for us. He wants our love. We put a smile on his face. But, He loves us so much He gave us the opportunity to choose for ourselves. We don't have to choose to fill that empty space with Him. In fact, we try to fill it with just about every other thing under the sun (alcohol, sex, food, etc.) No, God doesn't force His way into this spot. He simply gave us this spot with great hope that we would allow Him to enter and dwell in it. He longs for that connection. Yes, just as we each have a spot that only he can feel, He has special places that only each individual can fill. He doesn't need our love, but he wants it and we have the opportunity to decide our level of intimacy with Him. God never changes. He never seeks or pursues us any less. His offer remains the same. He remains the same. What changes is our hearts. Our level of openness, willingness, and vulnerability changes. So offer Him your changing heart; whatever state it may be in. If your heart is broken and empty, tell him. He wants to hear it from you . He wants to hold your heart, he's just waiting for a green light. He knows what you need; not just what you want, but what you need. Embrace the ebbs and the flows that come along with life. Let your heart become fully alive. When your heart aches, let it ache, acknowledge the emptiness and the hurt; but then, bring it before God, and be filled with joy, because the joy of the Lord is your strength. Joy and suffering, they go hand in hand. We wouldn't know one without the other. Without suffering, we wouldn't ever have the hope for joy. So let your suffering fuel your desire for joy. Embrace the emptiness and let God fill it.

What Can I Offer?

       To many times, I find myself thinking about how I could be happier. If I lived here, would I be happier? If I worked here, would I be happier? If I dated him, would I be happier? If they were my friends, would I be happier? There are so many things wrong with my way of thinking. When my happiness is dependent on places, people, and things around me, I set myself up for failure and disappointment. People will fail us. No matter how good of people they are, they are only human.

      True happiness and satisfaction cannot be found in mere humans, or any earthly thing. Joy, satisfaction, and peace are found when we choose to complete the love connection with God, the King of kings. Once we are filled with true joy, peace, and satisfaction from the relationship we have with our God, we are free to simply love. We do not need to rely on others around us, or our circumstances to be happy.
      As I prepare for this week, I refer back to some quotes I heard from pastor Brady Boyd at the Desperation Conference last year. I will begin each day with a simple prayer, "Lord, what are you doing today, and how can I cooperate?" As I walk through each day, I will ask myself, "how could I STRENGTHEN, ENCOURAGE, or COMFORT each person I come into contact with?" This week, I will ask myself, "what can I offer?" "What can I offer this person? What can I offer this campus? What can I offer this city? What can I offer this church? What can I offer this world?" I will not focus on what I can gain from others, but rather on what I can give to others.

Take Me To The River

"All I know is you will be enough… Take me to the river, pull me off the shore, here within your freedom I have found my reason, I am yours… Let the water rise, far above my head"

      I remember attending Desperation Conference two years ago(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZB-Oz5bW8WM) hearing this song, and feeling it just tug at my heart. For that weekend, this became the cry of my heart. Let the water rise, far above my head! I was tired, tired of sitting on the edge, toes in the water, too afraid to step in, much less dive head first. I have always sat on the edge. Writing this, I went back and forth between the words "have" and "had"… either "I have always been on the edge" or "I had always been on the edge" If I say "I had" that means it is in the past. It is no more. The reason I struggled with this wording was because I hadn't truly decided in my heart if I was ready to take the plunge or not. I think the reason I struggle with this, is because I'm scared, scared of failure, scared of disappointing my God, scared of disappointing myself. Scared of the unknown. I'm worried I won't have what it takes. I'm worried I will fail. I'm worried I will fall short. I'm worried I won't be enough. I realize, as I write this, I am saying "I" to much. You see, it's not about anything "I" can do, but all about what my God can do. I am not enough. I have never been enough. I will never be enough. But He is enough.  Today, I sit here, tired, still tired, tired of being too afraid to allow myself to become completely immersed in this love relationship with my Heavenly Father, my King, my Prince of Peace. What will I choose? To say have? Or to say had? I realize, I need to say had. Not because I don't struggle anymore; struggling is not in the past, but what is in the past, is me sitting on the edge. Yes, it is scary, a scary thing to say, to say confidently. It means there is the chance to fail. Along with the chance to fail, though, comes the chance to succeed. This is a long journey, I know, but one worth taking, and I'm glad I can plunge into this journey, as I meditate upon these words, "Jesus said to them, 'It is not those who are healthy who need a physician, but those who are sick; I did not come to call the righteous, but sinners.'" (Mark 2:17) I don't need to be perfect for God to use me. Thank goodness! I just need to be willing, and that I am. I am ready for something deeper, and I'm willing to do whatever it takes.

The Power of a Thought

"The enemy can put a wrong thought in your mind, but it doesn't become your thought until you take it & begin to meditate on it." -Joyce Meyer

      We are all human. We all have less than exceptional thoughts from time to time. It is especially hard to keep thoughts, that are unpleasing to God, out of our head if we, so happen to be a young adult. Yes it is normal to have a quick fantasy, but it is absolutely essential that we realize how dangerous a thought can become. “Watch your thoughts; they become words. Watch your words; they become actions. Watch your actions; they become habit. Watch your habits; they become character. Watch your character; it becomes your destiny.” -Unknown. So much of the person we become stems from our thoughts, the things we choose to meditate upon. Though I struggle SO MUCH in this area, this is why I have chosen Psalm 19:14 as my life scripture: May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in your sight, O Lord, my strength and my redeemer. Just because we have a bad thought, it doesn't mean we have to become a prisoner to it. We must realize just how weak we are, get on our knees, PRAY and put up a fight. Set your gaze upon the King of kings, meditate upon him, and as he brings new things to your attention, meditate upon the thoughts He places in your heart.